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Time:03:31 pm
"There is nothing to feat, but fear itself"

Using this quote and my own personal belief systems [epistomologies] I have ascertained [come tot he conclusion that] the master of fear is only one entity. Fear itself. Literally speaking fear is it's own master. Figuratively speaking once you become aware that fear is a slave only to it selfm you can break away from irrational fears [phobias] and become a more hopeful person.

I am 22 as I write this, but I feel like much older as even those lovely online quizzes commonly titled as phrased as "What is your mental Age" usually tell me. Quoting the title of one of my motto songs "Only Human" by Jason Mraz. makes me feel significant in the most unique way. Thinking of the way he used so many metaphors to convey what he does state in the title, is something a single song before has never done, to my current recollection, in one sitting.
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Subject:Grr to Communication Failure
Time:11:34 pm
Grr to miscomunication. I went for the annual Drag Show in South complex with CD in hand. Apparently I was supposed to meet with one of the committee members, and they were supposed to have me sign paper work and audition. Who knew? Not me. Sadly Mandy's decision was final. I hadn't liked her m uch since the “then get out comment” at the LBGTIQQA Student Leaders BBQ.

At least this response was better than last years where y email was blatantly ignored and then discussed among previous e-board. I did leave the show at intermission t do homework.
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Current Music:the sound of a fan outside of the muted headphones I am currently wearing
Current Location:United States, East Lansing, Beech St, 1135-1151
Subject:Writer's Block: Come here often?
Time:05:00 am
Current Mood:[mood icon] amused

What's the best pick-up line you ever heard (or tried)? What's the worst? If you're instantly attracted to someone, will a stupid pick-up line dampen your interest?

Submitted By [info]downfall35


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For some reason, I find these questions silly, maybe it's because I don;t have writer's block" But I have found all cheesy lines along the borders of idiotic and mundane. If you need a pick-up line, please step to the back of the 'line' please just be genuine. Interest me with yourself not a canned idiomatic phrase from a societal normative.
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Current Location:East Lansing
Subject:It was awesome.
Time:09:56 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] cheerful
Whew. OMG! Wow. I feel pretty darn awesome right now. I finally, finally had a chance to chill with someone that I had been trying to chill with for what would about to about two years now. Things were an hour delayed. Overall, tonight we spent about an hour and ten minutes together. I had offered to give him a back massage previously, so of course I kept my promise. We talked for a while before I got into giving him the massage, and before we got to the house we also had time to talk and get to catch-up a bit with one another's personal lives. After a while, of massaging him,he seemed to definitely be enjoying what I was doing, so I kept at it, he said I was pretty good at it. I smiled. I asked to see his front side, and well thing s went from there., I guess to keep things PG, he enjoyed every last thing that I did to him with my tongue, well expect for that brief moment I sucked his tongue a bit too farm into my mouth. Little too much tugging.

Next time around I do hope we get to chat more. I wouldn't mind giving him another back massage, I think I like him even more now. He's a pretty decent guy. As we parted for the night, he said he would be around for the summer, and we agreed that we should hang again. I really, really enjoyed my time with him. His personality, his lips, his smile, his smell, his taste. Alright. I'll stoop there before I go to far.Oh I did find a few places that he was ticklish. That's always a fun time.
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Subject:Seriously?!
Time:10:30 pm
Wow. I use the words idiot and dumb fuck sparingly, but Eric and his girlfriend just about earned those titles. His girlfriend seemed intelligent and civil when I first met her, but just now overhearing her conversation with Eric slightly in which they were attempting to come up with rude, creative, "funny" names for something, one of which was creepy-weirdo. I'll chock that ignorance up to lack of experience. Currently, I cannot wait to just randomly start talking in Spanish around the house. Thus far, I have only done so in my room for the most part,. and I have also listened to music in Spanish, such as the styling of Juanes and Sin Banderas. I suppose if I catch Eric outside of his room saying something stupid, I should talk with him about it since he seems like he could be lacking in the area of subtlety.
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Current Location:East Lansing
Subject:Another one down
Time:08:00 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] cheerful
I have now met another one of my house mates with the name of Chris. In total, there's myself Chris, and Eric on the second floor and John, nicknamed Creeps, living in the basement, as well as so far two other unknowns living on the first floor. Out of all the guys I have met that live int he house so far Chris seems to be the most leveled headed out of the bunch. News outside the events of the house of shenanigans, I called Ricky today and found out he knows Spanish. I totally had not even thought about asking if he knew another language other than English, but now that I think about it his accent totally makes sense now, duh. Sad note, he doesn't like talking to people in Spanish if he knows that they know English. He would rather have them only talk to him in English. I did already tell him that I will randomly talk in Spanish. Well, I will just have to see how that all goes, right?
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Subject:Church
Time:09:30 am
Current Mood:[mood icon] accomplished
I went for a walk today. I had forgotten how many of the streets discontinue as one goes from Harrison to Hagadorn. It was an enjoyable walk, but it did make me wonder if a walk to church each Sunday would really take me 45 minutes. I would be surprised to find out how many people would remember my name without my name tag. I think I may remove my name tag for a time to see if anyone is able to recall correctly. I am very tempted to see about getting a ride back to my place. Church was alright I filled out a form to be contacted about teaching Sunday School for the younger children high school, kindergarten, etc.
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Current Location:East Lansing
Subject:Paying Rent
Time:04:30 am
Got the rent, $700.00 for Sante (our landlord). Work was boring as usual. I do need to figure out a non-caffeinated way to stay awake while working. It may have possibly been that I ate nearly an entire "Chipotle" vegetarian burrito right before going into work. Over the time I've worked at IPPSR, it may appear to some people that I fall asleep fairly frequently. Falling asleep at work seems to be the least of my worries. I got the see the true nature of Eric, or well his drunken side. Maybe that's a better way of saying it. Dude is getting severely close to douche-bag status. 2am in the morning I'm woken by loud rock music, and what sounds like a mild party. I walk into the kitchen to find Eric, some unnamed guy, who I assume is either a friend or a house mate I've yet to meet, and some cute girl which would either be Eric's girlfriend or an unexpected house mate I have yet to meet.
I hang around a bit laughing as Creeps (the guy at the table other than Eric) has finished off his macaroni and is now digging into Eric's bowl. Eric's girlfriend seems friendly and respectable enough. Eric on the other hand is currently trying to win some sort of asshole award. Shortly he retrieves a dish towel, spins it and begins towel whipping Creeps petitioning him to stand and drop his pants. Creeps complied, and then he whips his bare read end. Moments earlier he made an anal sex joke to Creeps that he was going to fuck him without lubricant in the ass, since he made him Mac-n-cheese. “You owe me”. No idea, well I have some idea seems like Mr. Eric might be trying to test and see if I’m gay or not. Last night I heard him say faggot behind his closed door. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, he also brought out a Victoria’s Secret catalog to mess around with Creeps and possibly to see if he could get a “rise” out of me. Creeps was pretty wasted not only did he end up licking Eric’s calf; he was also caress and licking the catalog. Whatever, right? Tonight so far in just 30 minutes he’s just about turned me off about wanting to room here for the summer. I’ve already text the landlord to let him know I would like to talk with him later today.
I am not going to tolerate living in the same house as someone who is so disrespectful towards me, himself and another human being. Having Creeps lick his calf, expose himself to not only me but his girlfriend, and not to even mention his gay slur usage. I have dealt with that before my freshman year back in Holden Hall. I feel lucky that the other sublease I had lined up is only a few blocks away so if I do decide to move. I could definitely just carry things on my own.
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Current Location:East Lansing
Subject:Move-Out & Move-In
Time:05:00 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] bored
Nick's pretty awesome. I do hope that he learns to distinguish my voice from his other friend Trevor's though. He didn't except the $10.00 I offered for gas, his reasoning being that he gave me such a hard time yesterday with the whole name mix-up. Moving in now I recognize that I have probably brought too much stuff. The room looks to be about the size of my dorm room in McDonel. Well actually possibly a bit smaller in fact. I have met one house mate thus far, and seen one another guy; didn't have a chance to say hello or anything really since I was still in the process of moving my things into the room with Nick's help. Sitting here bored kind of makes me consider going out to find a random party, which is something I have never done.
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Subject:Interaction
Time:10:24 pm
Not sure if this is bitter frustration, but I feel as if I'm a toy or tool at times with my interactions with others. It is totally possible that I'm over analyzing the situation and maybe jumping to conclusions on the negative plane. Having fun with someone can be one thing, but then wanting more and feeling as if you might only be a toy in the box or a pit stop feels a bit wrong. Overall, I had a totally other direction to take this post but as soon as I started to type it went down this downtrodden pity, woeful path.
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Current Music:Waiting on the World to Change
Current Location:East Lansing, MI
Subject:Lawsuits
Time:10:51 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] annoyed
I have really tired to hold back on the discrimination that I've faced while going to school, but sometimes things just come to a head. There's comes a time when we have to break ties, and stand up for our own rights as individuals.

TBFL
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Current Music:Waiting on the World to Change
Current Location:East Lansing, MI
Subject:ASL
Time:10:07 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] accomplished


I feel as if learning sign language has been one of the greatest gifts the world has ever given to me. I can remember having the desire to learn more about it from the age of 7 if not even younger. I would sit in my pre-school, and kindergarden classes rooms, even in Sunday school. as other children were playing with blocks, dolls, and trucks my eyes would glance over to the ever-so-recognizable ASL alphabet poster many of use= may have seen growing up. I would look at it and tell myself and even others around me, I want to learn how to do that. At times, I can recall standing there in front of the poster hunched over and squinting at the pink pudgy alphabet on the laminated advert, trying to mold my hands into those succinct shapes.









I may take some time to edit this entry later, but I really am grateful that I was able to begin learning such an artful and expressive language. I really do dislike misconceptions, being misunderstood, and overall being misconstrued;. I suppose living in the world today is just full of surprises, challenges and difficulties. If we want change we must look in the mirror first before the window.

"Be the change in the world you want to see."

Caio,
Senor T.

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Subject:Revelations
Time:11:51 am
Current Mood:[mood icon] accomplished
Wow. I'm not sure what it is that going to a party once a year with friends does, but the day after when I wake up after sleeping for only two hours, I have such profound epiphanies. Thinking over my social life I guess being the rarity that I am a non-drinking, non-smoking male on campus, I don't frequent the same scenes as others. So I have a smaller base of individuals in which to interact. Considering interactions that I do have I am a bit recluse, and I shy away from conversation always being more on the listening end of conversations, and various side conversations at parties and social gathers if in fact I am even apt enough to be in any conversation.

Having such a small base of friends, one or two best friends maximum I surmise, it sometimes leaves me feeling a bit empty. Left on the outskirts of the social strata periphery. I can still remember back to that essay for the MEAP test in 6th grade I believe it was. We were to write an essay talking about what we feel friendship is. I had such a trying time when attempting to put words on a piece of paper to complete that assignment, and to this day I still have questions and uncertainties about what the word friendship actually means. It is an intangible aspect of life for me as well as relationships in general I suppose.

My romantic relationship status is stagnant, null and void, and as actually never existed. Having such a small friend base, feeling awkward is various social situations, and under all circumstances considered not being the most confident in the bunch, I have yet to walk into a romantic type of relationship. This brings me to the present, if I can accurately access it as thus. Hmm, here and now feels more appropriate. Seeing what fractions of love and relationships I do see, have given me the understanding that I do have as a human being today. My mother never being married to my father, and his near complete absence from my life as well as the lives of my two younger brothers has left me considering whether there is a void in my romantic and social upbringing.

As far back as kindergarten, I can remember only having a sparse number of friends within my "inner circle," that could be counted upon one hand. On our city block there was only one family with a child around my age. Having such small and limited social interactions when I was a child may have in fact over the summations of years I have been alive on this planet compiled within me certain areas where I lack understanding of etiquette.

I suppose a silver lining in the conundrum, that I currently face is that I am becoming more aware of my social self, and my feelings as an individual by speaking with others, and hearing other's thoughts on situations such as love, lust, and the overall mainstream review on sexuality minorities within out society. I love a person for being who they are. A spiritual connection or resonance with someone is needed more than the physical realm or emotional realm of things. Yes, the physical and the emotional can have some effect on the resonance or spiritual attraction one has for another, it is without question that a friendship and things that may progress beyond that point, have to contain a certain amount of spiritual resonance for the functionality if the bond shared between two or more people. As far as relationships go, for me I care much more for the personality, and aura of an individual than their outer shell. A person is a person, yes I am attracted to members of the same sex substantially more than the opposite, but if there is a connection, a bond, an attraction beyond physical bounds, I will make way to pursue that affiliation.

Enjoying the tangible aesthetics of someone and having your body chemistry react cannot compare to the sense of fulfillment and wholeness that a true connection between two people of like-minded spirits can yield. That being said regardless of the chemical and physical reactions that my person may have for another, I would date, engage, and marry any person that satisfied the paramount yearning for stimulation of the mind, body and soul.

With that I pause this composition of thought and self discovery.
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Current Music:Because of You - K. Clarkson
Current Location:MSU Campus
Subject:Fall Performances Oct. & Nov.
Time:12:58 pm
~-~-~~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
OCTOBER
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'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-
Spartan Idol Auditions
Oct. 24th & 25th
6-8pm
MSU Union

The Search Begins For MSU’s Next Spartan Idol! Spartan Idol Auditions are October 24 & 25, 6–8 pm, Lake Superior Room, MSU Union. Come prepared to sing 60 seconds a cappella. Must be available for actual event Nov. 10 & 11. Top prize $500 Visa Gift Card!
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+----+-----+----+-----+

~-~-~~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
NOVEMBER
~-~-~~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-
McDonel Talent Show
Nov. 10th
McDonel KIVA

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MSU Project DragWay
Wed, Nov. 14th
Evening (7ish?)
Phillips Basement

Proceeds will be going the Lansing Area AIDS Network

'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-
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Current Music:Dixie Chicks: Traveling Soldier
Current Location:East Lansing
Subject:Whiteboard Commetns
Time:01:22 am
Current Mood:[mood icon] calm
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Current Music:Flying without Wings; Apologize; various others
Current Location:East Lansing
Subject:Flying with Wings
Time:05:59 am
Current Mood:[mood icon] cheerful
I was told I've been floating.

But now I'm sinking.

With help I can fly.

Disability is not a negative aspect of life.

Disability is a term used to emphasize the ever growing "spectrum" of normalcy within society.

Understanding what cause the descent is the key.

To unlock my wings so that I can fly free.

To soar among the clouds is where I long to be.

To understand the relationship between ability and achievement is paramount.

It matters little how a person works to achieve a goal, more so the journey...

TBC (to be completed) at a later date
.
.
.
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Subject:Self-Motivation & Improvement
Time:01:14 am
Current Mood:[mood icon] contemplative
As human beings, as organisms, as individual entities. We were created to evolve and transform ourselves and the world around us through the processes of introspection, evolution, observation, calculation, assessment and execution.

I feel that I need to implore those tactics, in addition to setting some reasonable goals for myself.

One cannot save he world alone. As much as I may want to do so by my own means sin merit. Many hands make light work is proverb that rings so true in society throughout the ages. The necessities of change and transition are most evident in society when pointless wars erupt. Sound familiar?

Goals:

1. 3.5 GPA
2. Founding an American Sign Language Club
3. Restarting an LBGT Publication
4. Driver's License
5. Apply for OCAT Program
6. Apply for Mentor Program
7. Find employment by Spring Semester
8. Set Spring Schedule
9. Attempt to map out next college year

*Social & Mental stability for he duration of the academic school year*
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Current Location:guess
Subject:Kinsey Scales
Time:03:02 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] blank
You scored as KINSEY four, FOUR: kick down that closet door, but go ahead and have heterosexual sex while ya do it

</td>

KINSEY four

75%

KINSEY five

63%

KINSEY three

63%

KINSEY one

56%

KINSEY six

56%

KINSEY two

38%

KINSEY zero

0%

KINSEY TEST
created with QuizFarm.com
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Subject:Symbols
Time:02:55 am
</form>
What is your gay icon? by bert263
usersname
Who do u love?
your gay icon is:
your picture is:
your couple's pic is:
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Subject:Stereotypical Breaskfast?
Time:09:24 am
Breakfast 2/27/07

Shaw Hall 9:00am

Tray Content:
Waffle w/ stawberries
Orange/Apple Juice 8 oz
Rice Milk 8 fl oz
Pineapple 1/4 cup
Peaches 1/4 cup
Silverware, et al.

Attire:
Yellow wrinkle-free shirt, Monopoly pj's Best Buy Pride Wrist Band, Green Ear Plugs, Sun glasses, umbrella (best cane ever!)

RIce Milk
Cal. 30
Tot Fat 2.5g
Sod 105mg
Tot Carbs
    Sugar 5g
Protein 1g

Vit's:
A: 10%
Calc 30%
D 25%
B12 25%
Iron 2%
Phos. 15%


I love Rice Milk! :)

Meal Commentary:

"Any comments cards?"
"No we're out; I don't know where they are, sorry." ~Auburn-haired, female student supervisor
"It's alright"

"Next time he asks for a comment card tell Carolyn" ~Some random cafe dude

"Don't sit by that gut something's worng with him." ~One random female student to another.

"He just took a picture with a camera"
"Why does he have a camera?"
"So, what I should ask to take his camera?" ~Auburn-haired, female student supervisor

After meal commentary:

"He took a video with a camera." ~Hispanic, maintenance worker
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[icon] Jack's Lament
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